I hope you enjoyed the Richyard xanga experience. It was fun.

I should have locked myself in the janitors closet for valentines day. Being adventurous, I decided to patrol the shopping center instead, and purchase all the valentines goody for myself one store at a time. I'm such a genius i proclaimed to myself. Once i leave the store i'll buy every card, chocolate and flowers the store have in stock. Leaving the non-single folks with nothing, but dried cactus for their valentine sweetheart. I was the grinch of all valentines, and imagined thousands of relationship going downhill because one of the person in the relationship bought the other a dozen of poison ivy because it was the only thing close to a rose available in the store.

I stopped by walgreens to pick up a pack of wrigleys gum. Leaving the store, i left a quarter on the cashiers table and walked out. Excuse me sir, she yelped at me to come back to the cash register. Before she scanned my gum, she asked for my phone number and i was willing to give it out in a confident voice. Your total is 30 cents, at this point i was really confused. Wrigleys gum were always a quarter since the dinosaurs age, i struggled to find a nickel in my pocket to conclude my purchase. Walking out the door, i was screaming el senorita in my head. A hot Latino girl at the register just asked for my number at the register. I must be the sexiest guy that ever took a step in walgreens.

My next destination was the shopping mall. Walking through the mall, i see tons of hallmark advertisement saying you should get your lover this and that. I couldn't take seeing it anymore, and planned to mess with the security guard so i would get pepper-sprayed in the eye which would solve my problem of  seeing the stupid ads. Although this would only solve my problem temporarily, once I wash the spices out of my eye, I would see the horrible ads again. I made my next purchase at Sams goody, and bought several dvds to keep me company for the rest of the night. Before the blonde chick scanned my dvds at the register she asked for my phone number, before she rang up my purchase. Maybe we could catch a movie sometimes, i told her in a casual silly tone. At this point, i've felt as if i discovered the cure for aids. Regretting not bringing the cell phone to call up 50 of my closest buddy and tell them the secret of valentines day, that all the cashiers on valentines day are trying to score a date with the customers.

It was getting dark and cold outside. I made my last purchase at the department store to buy my mom a bottle of perfume for the holiday. This time it was an old lady in her 60's at the register. May i please have your phone number she asks before she rings up my purchase. My heart literally skips a few beat, with my jaw dropping to floor. I asked her why she needs my phone number in a nervous tones. "We at dillards department store, collect phone numbers for the sole purpose of sending our customers catalog and sales special in the mail", she responds. I gave her my phone number in a depressed voice, as she punches it in the cash register. I felt as if i received a million boxes of chocolate that night, only to find that it has been melted.

Let's protest and start the civil fat movement, before america sinks below sea level because of  people like rosie o donnel. I'm tired of all them fat lards out there, laying around complaining that mcdonald ruined there life. They go out and file some big lawsuit against the restraunt for making them fat, win a few thousand grands. Then blows off the money on a big mac. Share the wealth fatso, you're so lucky getting that reperation check,and having a sexy booty dancer body. Just nod your head once, and your whole body will shake and jiggle in a harmonic motion for the next 2 hours. Chances are you'll be featured on BET, shaking that laffy taffy with Beyonce. Obese-izzle, my nizzle.

The movie "super size me" tried to tame yall Rhinoceracus, instead it had trained teens into thinking they're fat, which eventually transform them into anorexics. I'll be blunt about it, mcdonald is ruining our society! The only way to end a problem is to attack the problem as a whole. Therefore we must attack the employees, customer, and even the hobos collecting change in the mcdonald's playpen.

"my target,local mcdonald drive thru in my town "

To save embarassment of being stuck in the door of mcdonald, most of there customers order through the drive-thru. This is where my plan of attack comes in. Using a walkie talkie, i can set one of the devices next to  the microphone and speaker of the drive thru. Hiding in a bush observing the transaction, i can say anything through the other walkie talkie, making the customer think its the employees taking their orders.

"my plan in progress"

I'll show you a little demonstration. lets pretend an asian guy drives in.
Employee: Welcome to mcdonald, can i take your order?
Customer: Can you hold on a bit, i'm not quite familiar with the menu
Me(on walkie talkie): damn chaynks, sorry theres no dog on the menu
Customer: ahh hell nah!, me kartate chop you at the next window

This Civil fat movement will be successful  because the asian guy wont ever come back, and he'll tell all his fellow chaynks that mcdonald is racist. Also the employee who took his order will get fired as well, once his manager finds out. Once you're done attacking the asians, attack old people, PETA, jamaicans, people with unibrows, and so on. Eventually no one will ever come back to mcdonald, and someone is getting fired everyday. Once i completely destroy mcdonald, i'll turn all the restraunts into a xanga strip club. Free admission to the club for all of my subscribers.

"Ronald mcdonald doesnt care about asian people"

"next time you're at a drive thru, it might be richyard on the other line"

biggest and baddestt new year eves party caught on tape, too bad i wasnt invited
Have you collected your xanga trading cards?

"teehehee, lets go read cosmo girl after this"

Rednecks
I'm tired of you guys taking up 3-4 parking spaces with yalls damn trailer RV vehicles at the gym. Me and my neighbor were waiting for these rednecks at the bench press machine, and we both got a good laugh. These guys were benching 1 rep, then immediately run over to the mirror and flexed their biceps. First of all bench pressing works out your chest, not your biceps. Second of all doing 1 rep will not make your muscles any swoller than it was before. On top of looking like an idiot flexing in the mirror, when they use all there strength and tighten there face. Their hill billy gap teeth sticks out. Do me a favor and take your shotguns, and place 2 packs of beer on each side, and start bench pressing with that at your own trailer park, Not at a public gym.

"I wonder why im hated so much at the gyms pool"

People who tell life storys
I was running on the treadmill. While I was running, this guy comes up to me and tells me his divorce story. He was from Hong Kong, and told me his wife was in a hostage situation. He explained to me that he shot his wife in the leg, hopeing the person who was capturing her would find her useless and let her go. His wife thought he was part of the crime, and never talked to him again and eventually filed a divorce. As interesting as the story may be, I was trying to concentrate moving forward on the treadmill. Trying to start a conversation with someone while they are in a state of adrenaline is a difinite NO NO. I don't care if you met some girl on the net, or lost your virginity. I'm just trying to finish my sets and workout program and get the hell out of here.

"this explains why you talk to me at the gym. Even your grandma don't give a damn about your life storys"

I will be back tommorow morning. Busy day, familys wedding. In the mean time punch yourself in the face. Been wearing a tux the whole day, now i must walk around as if im some secret agent.
thank you
-Richyard

 
The new era of crunk attack
I was sitting at the cross intersection, in the middle of the night waiting for the traffic lights to turn green. No cars in front of me, No Hobos to the left asking for change, and No hookers on the corner offering a quickie service for the small price of 2 eprops.

Suddenly out of the blue, a Cadillac pulls up right next to me in the right lane in the empty deserted street. Swiveling my head to the right, I witness 5 black brothers claiming they're from the G-UNIT African tribe in their cadillac. But oh boy, Tonight wasn't any normal everyday routine stopping at the lights, these boys were untamed and out of control. Hands and arm flying around in the backseats, hips and elbow bumping into other passengers, and 5 greasy head bobbling in a 360 degree motion. Investigating further in this zoo-like behavior, I found out they were listening to "lose control" by Misty Elliot.

Imagine 5 guys in a car, getting crazy like Rick James in a Cadillac

Bam! that explains everything, it must be a new trend in hip hop culture to act like this while cruising. People's behavior in their cars are triggered in different ways depending on the music they listen to. For example teeny boppers / fags motion their hands while listening to backstreetboys, or religious Christians trying to reach the sky listening to "the amazing grace". What if i was to get out my car, and walk inside the cadillac and turn off the sound system? would everyone pause and freeze in midair until the music starts again?, or would they continue getting crunk(drunk+crazy) not realizing i just turned off their source of energy.

Since 90 percent of xanga consist of Asians and Emos. I'll do yall both a favor and show yall how to be cool and trendy in your transportation. Trust me, you'll be the coolest one in the group.

Since the viets are the only asian country without their own unique martial art style. I think im gonna be brave enough to use them as an example incase anything goes wrong. Crank up yalls viet banjo and get wild because you have the baddest and slickest ride in town. The new 5 door (includings the donkeys ass) Honda mammal. Get rowdy and throw your bowl of pho noodle soup in the air. But watch out, dont get nuoc-mam(viet sauce) in your eyes, otherwise you'll be the lamest dude on the rice farm. Be even more cool and spin your pyramid-shaped bamboo hat while going through the phase of crunk attack! Phoshizzle, yall viets are officially the dizzle.

I smell the faggish wet tears, in the air. Yeap, yall Emo boys are next. No need to cry, cry, cry and cry because the viets and blacks are getting the fame and glory in their cars. You guys can be cool too driving in the passengers seat with your mother, since you guys are emotionally unstable and wont function correctly on the road. Just bring along your favorite safety scissors and "chemical romance" Cd. You guys listen to faggish music, hoping girls will feel sorry for you. But theres a new approach getting them to like you, after i show you this new trend. Pull out your safety scissors and imagine your favorite band splitting apart, then do what you do best and slit your wrist. Try this new approach and get crunk and slit your wrist violently. Moving your tight girl pants up and down, then wet your eyes and let the eyeliner run down your cheeks. You'll be so uber cool, but remember use safety scissors because im not liable for any injury, and close the window because you just might fall out of your mother's soccer van. Remember to keep your coolness on the down low, because your homosexual boyfriend might get jealous and break up with you. And you'll start all over again and cry,cry, cry.

"But mommy, Richyard says its cool to get crunk in the car when you take me to Pre-K"

My morning wood, scored me an A+ in class!

Before I start this entry, let me explain to you what a morning wood is. If you're a guy then no need for further explanation, sit back relax, have a staring contest with your morning wood then proceed to read the rest of the entry.  For the ladys: Guys get erection in their sleep so they wont piss on themself, its one of the body's natural instincts. It makes it harder for them to piss on themself in their sleep.

Hey you! yes you! Stop hiding behind your fellow classmate, when your teacher picks someone to work out the problem on the chalkboard. Theres no need to hide and try to become invisible, hopeing your teacher wont see you. Only the famous magician Houdini, can pull this one off. Teachers only pick the kids, who sleeps and hides in class. And allow the nerds their once in a lifetime chance, to make fun of the jocks looking like a fool in front of the board.

If you're a snoozer in class, you came to the right place. Right before class, drink a gallon of water, pop a few sleeping pills. Then wait for your teacher to call on you. Jump up vibrantly and greet the class, and walk up to the chalkboard. Knocking out your classmates one by one, with your deadly morning wood. Your teacher will be so shocked, he/she wont ever call you to the board ever again. So the next time your'e fellow nerds, show off their "A+" on there report card. Just tell them, I got an A+ too, thanks to Richyard's morning wood technique, then dickslap them with your woody. 

Oh no its godzilla deadly snake, run japan! run!

Disclaimer: This entry sole purpose is for entertainment, please dont go around popping morning wood. If this method doesnt work, then aim your wang at the teacher and start squirting away, with a morning wood, the water pressure will be deadly.

Twista, I'll make you a Entrepeneur overnight!

Herman: "I'm broke and jobless because of them damn illegal  immigrants(border hopper) stealing our jobs. I've applied to McDonald but they told me to lay off the big mac, mr oink oink, in my face. Sheesh! how rude, i think im gonna stay home and eat jellly donuts for the rest of my life!"

Me: Oh really, how about you wipe that cream off your ass and go do the same jobs the immigrants are doing. It doesnt take any skills to push a lawn mower across the yard, even a blind person can complete such a task. If you cant do that, then go around vending icecream on a cart in the neighborhood, but dont get too tempeted and eat all the icecream, remember you're working, not eating at a street buffet with wheels and jingly bells.

What if its national icecream day, and you bring your lawn mower around town, or vice versca. LOL, you're screwed! looks like you'll be going home today with pocket lints and a wallet filled with sweat.

Herman: But Richyard, how do I decide on the job, i can either mow lawn or sell icecream.
ME: Simple I tell you! theres no need to decide, i'll provide you with this opportunity to be the baddest dude on the block.

INTRODUCING the new patented invention by Richyard,
 the new "2 in 1, Ice cream vendor + Lawn Mower"
(a mexicans dream)

-mow lawn while selling icecream
-after a tiring day of mowing lawn, pull out a icecream and you'll be refreshed (or a burrito miguel)
-"anti-theft system", any hoodlum try to jack some icecream, just start the lawn mower engine, and let the blade do its job, chopychop
-maximize profits (working 2 jobs in 1)
-girl love guys with new toys

I am so confident with this product, and guarantee you will be too. If you're not completely satisfied, come back and i will refund your eprops!

another satisfied customer
killing mexico's economy, one customer at a time

Learn Something New:

If you didn't know, i have a neighbor that lives a few houses down that annoys the shit out of me. He goes by the name of JasonX. While I'm blogging on xanga, some victim in his backyard always screams for help. The community suggest he kills his victim silently, but NO he chooses not to and interrupts our free time. At first I decided to teepee or egg his house, but nah thats old school. Why not kick vandalism up a notch? I Present to you:

"How To Set up Your Neighbor In a Shitty Situation"
inspired by my chemistry teacher, Karl Winter

Step 1: Take a big fat dump or steal a POS(piece of shit)
Step 2: Run over to the victim's house, and light a POS on his front porch.

Step 3: Ring the door bell
The victim will answer the door, and his first instinct would to stomp on the POS, attempting to put the fire out.

Step 4: Take off running to the Victims back door, when jumping the fence do a "fob pose", in the event that you have been caught by witnesses, they'll frame a innocent fob instead.

Step 5: Go up to the Victims back door, and knock on it excessivly. When knocking on door I prefer the "grind beat" by clipse.

Step 6: *Victim will run to get the backdoor* Be sure to leave a signature note. Mine says "pwned By DisBoiRichyard".

Step 7: *As Victim runs from the front porch to his backyard, he will leave a trail of muddy shit stains all over his house*Observe through the window, and laugh. Also take pictures to black mail him. To top it off, blog on xanga about your vandalism story, and get eprops.

"why hassle  to load a gun to shoot someone, when you can set them up to shoot themself in the foot"

My FreeStyle Nunchucks / Pogo Video